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We Want Kinky Play: Where Do We Start?

We Want Kinky Play: Where Do We Start?

You dreamed of having your willing lover at your delicious mercy, and s/he, as it happens, wanted the same thing.  Congratulations, you have a perfect relationship… for a tasty night of light bondage!

In this scenario, you will be the Top, the Domme (female) or Dom (male), and your partner is the bottom or the sub. 

But before the night that your lover is magically tied up in front of you, plan ahead so that that night runs smoothly, uninterrupted by boner-killing mishaps. 

Bondage is a way of heightening physical, mental and emotional responses so it takes respect, honesty, communication, and preparation. If you are straight, take a page from our gay brothers and discuss, discuss, discuss! What do you like/ hate/fear, what have you fantasized about? Generally, how kinky are we going to get, on a scale of vanilla to espresso? 

Rules of Play:

First up, the key acronym is SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual. 

Bondage and fetish play can help build trust in relationships, but this trust is earned. Nothing is off limits for discussion, but someone’s Hard No’s are to be respected. Establishing a safe-word is part of this. The everyday sex-safety word is usually ‘No’, but here you need a word that would be out of place and instantly recognizable as a signal to STOP. Something like “Red”, “Shark”, or “Parachute”. 

Discussing the scene you both want includes what you’re going to wear, names you will call one another by, which toys and implements, and what kind of sex you want to have. Will there be punishment? Humiliation? What form will it take? You also may discuss things like a masturbation ban, in which the sub is denied masturbation for a period of time leading up to the play. Spontaneity is very important, but discussing your kinks and preferences beforehand means you can play spontaneously while feeling safe. 

Setting Up Your Toybox:

These are examples, but there is no need to overwhelm yourselves or clutter the play-space – keep it simple and sexy, with a few items you can expand on as you go along.  

Related: Sex Toys: The Ultimate Guide

Ties and Binds must be adjustable, well-finished, comfortable, and safe. Buying a binding set is a brilliant investment when you are starting out. Imagine wanting a quick change of position but getting stuck trying to unknot a scarf with your freaking teeth like a crazy person, while your lover stews in the dying throes of passion! 

Blindfolds are easy to make with silky scarfs or ties. 

Lube is a must, and Sensual Oils are a luxurious addition. Some are cooling, some heat the skin, and you also get oil massage candles which are stunningly sensual. 

Sensory-play items like feather ticklers can be used to skim your lover’s body and arouse their senses. Also, look for items around the house, like a soft brush with silky bristles. 

Spanking Tools. Paddles and floggers are good for starting out. They make a nice thwapping sound, but they are easier to wield and gentler on the skin than whips, canes, and crops, which require a practiced hand. For bottom spankings, you can use a wooden spoon, back of a hairbrush or your hand.

Toys, toys, toys! Ball-gags, butt plugs, vibrators, dildos, clamps, hoods… These Are A Few Of Our Favorite Things.  The list is endless, and your ability to collect is limitless.  

Right, you’re set. And once you’ve set date, begin the anticipation with sexy texting, in character. That will give you foreplay that begins, and ends, in a capital F.

Enjoy, Lovers! 

Premium Passionate Play by Olivia Grey 

PS: look out for our next blog post, about what to do once you have your lover tied up.

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