Let’s cut to brass tacks: No matter how many sex tips you’ve tried and tested or how good you might believe you are in the sack — owing to the many moans/grunts of approval and satisfying cigarettes shared after your carnal activities of course — what you probably know is just the “tip” of the sexual iceberg when it comes to truly rocking someone’s world.
It’s widely known and accepted that poor communication is among the biggest killer of any relationship, but nothing puts the fires of passion out quicker than boredom in the bedroom…
To this end, we’ve lovingly curated a tantalising list of 19 of the best sex tips to use no matter if you’re just getting started with sex toys, or if you’re a seasoned veteran looking to sharpen your “toolset” in 2019 and beyond.
Read on to learn how to spice up your sex life. Ignite the loins of your lovers time and time again!
Please navigate to the sex tips that pique your sexual curiosity below:
#1 “Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby”
Salt-N-Pepa were onto something truly prophetic in “Black’s Magic” chart-topping song “Let’s talk about sex, baby.”
The first and most glaringly obvious of the tips shared in this list is also the master key to unlocking all of the other sensual secrets that your partner fantasizes about (and that would go a long way to helping you get your freak on too).
Opening up about “all the good things, and the bad things that may be…” during the horizontal tango helps your partner serve as a sexual compass to navigate you in the right direction.
No one understands their own body better than they do themselves!
Asking for your partner’s approval, encouragement or simply where/how they like it best positions you like a generous lover who is committed to helping them dive deeper into the throes of their own sexual passions.
When it’s your turn to “come around” your partner will be only too willing to take on your expert advice and lead you headfirst into nirvana!
#2 Adult Toys FTW
In our sexual exploration, there is no greater reward quite like that of experimenting with the toys that make us go “Ohh.”
There is literally a sex toy for every single which way you like it!
When it comes to introducing these objects of affection into a relationship, however, it’s recommended that you follow tip #1 to gauge how comfortable you both are with the idea of it all before diving in.
Sex toys can be a little bit intimidating at first, but they serve as the right kind of spice in any open and consensual relationship!
Whether you’re looking to stoke the fire pre-intercourse, enhance stimulation during penetration or just get downright kinky, these unsung heroes of the bedroom are bound to help you rack up those sexual brownie points and bring you closer together for the better.
Not sure where/how to get started?
Read our article “Sex Toys: A Beginner’s Guide”
#3 Get Frisky Outside Of The Bedroom
Now, I must strongly caution that getting caught while ‘hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing’ in public places may lead to prosecution and utter, complete shame — think along the lines of Cersei’s walk of atonement in GOT.
Whilst spontaneity should be encouraged in relationships, you should always look to use your better judgement before donning your birthday suit in public, let alone asking someone else to risk it for the biscuit with you in front of curious eyes.
That being said, finding the “right time and place” to release your inner exhibitionist can (and WILL) lead to some of the most explosively passionate sex you’ve ever had in your life!
Being adventurous just requires some planning.
Take some time to discuss potential secretive locations with your partner and prepare some of the intimate items you need to ensure you actually enjoy the rush of the whole experience.
Some spots you may consider ‘getting jiggy with it’:
- A secluded beach or private patch of grass (don’t forget a comfortable blanket, two glasses and a bottle of your favourite libation to ease into the occasion)
- The backseat of your ride (a bit old-school, but it works great for getting you from one place to the next if you catch my drift)
- Any other room than the one you’re currently sleeping in (there’s just something about switching it up and this is perfect for the more conservative folks out there)
*Bonus tip* Try doing your thing in front of a mirror in your bathroom while losing yourself in your partner’s eyes!
What’s the most exhilarating place you’ve unleashed your carnal nature?
Let us know in the comments below!
#4 Build Intense Sexual Tension With Sexting
The advent of smartphones, their myriad of apps and interesting messaging features have given us a whole lot to look forward to on the sex front — not talking ?pics here guys;)
Sexting should serve as the “fore” foreplay between partners and sending seductive, sexually charged messages can really lead to electrifying results in the bedroom.
Be sure to describe how randy you’re feeling in aching detail, but, remember, as every cunning lover knows, don’t be giving away the whole plot before you see each other.
Build up to the event, make each other feel sexy and wanted!
But, what about data privacy you ask?
Keeping your conversations secret and safe is a big thing in this day and age, and with all the leaks of late, you wouldn’t be in the wrong for thinking that sending messages on WhatsApp (or lord forbid on your company’s email server) might end up landing you in hot water…
Signal is an encrypted messaging service that promises the utmost privacy and a platform that you and your beloved can use exclusively to send sexts and VNs to keep the fire burning long before your clothes even come off!
#5 Lube Up
If you’re looking to get “slippin’ and slidin’” and “moving and grooving” then lubricant is one of those must-have items in your bedside drawer (along with any sex toys and contraception aids to use at your discretion).
Most guys think that when women don’t get wet they’re not in the mood, but there are so many factors involved like fatigue or stress that might affect the natural lubrication women experience with an increase in sexual desire.
The truth is that sometimes women just require a helping hand (see what I did there) to get things going!
Lube can and should be used during foreplay by both sexes to enhance their overall sexual experience — there are a bunch of different lubes for various purposes and effects that you can experiment with.
* Bonus tip* Lay some fresh towels on your bed and start off by giving your partner a sensual full body massage with a massage or baby oil. Chances are that by the time you get to their naughty bits they’re going to be so ready to go you won’t know if you’re coming or going or both!
#6 Keep Your Clothes On (Most Of Them Anyway)
Conventional wisdom in the bedroom dictates that keeping one’s clothes on probably doesn’t lead to any hanky panky whatsoever, but you’ll be surprised by how powerful simply unzipping a pair of trousers or pushing underwear to the side without undressing can be for your sex life.
This works especially well for those who spend the whole day building sexual tension through sexting…
It all adds to the idea of wanting each other so madly by the time you get home that you can’t even care to waste a second of time fumbling to undo a bra/belt or take your shoes off!
You may even choose to take things a step further by letting your partner know before the time that you’ve gone commando (sans underwear).
Knowing that access to their “goodies” is separated by nothing more than a zip or the hike of a skirt is bound to drive them into an absolute frenzy!
#7 “Bond” With Your Partner
Made widely popular by the “Fifty Shades of Grey” novels, bondage has many layers of sexual play for partners to peel back by tying, binding or restraining each other (consensually of course) and engaging in some form of sexual stimulation.
Ropes, handcuffs, tape and some very interesting contraptions are used to achieve submission of one’s partner. As with everything worth exploring in the realm of sex, it’s of the utmost importance that you both agree on the roles you’re looking to play — those of control and submission — and what you’re willing to submit yourself to should you be the one that is inhibited.
Engaging in bondage in a safe environment helps partners realize their deepest and deliciously dark fantasies like no other sexual activity can and will serve to bring you both that much closer together.
Simple safewords are recommended (anyone remember Euro Trip’s ‘fluggaenkoecchicebolsen’?) to halt proceedings should things get a little too carried away, but with some careful planning and steady progression, your sex life will blossom!
How does one get down with bondage? Read more here!
Related: Bondage: The Ultimate Guide
#8 Old Dog, New Tricks
Learning how to have good sex in a relationship (and consistently at that) requires dedication and an open willingness to try new things.
If you’ve been together long enough with your partner you’re sure to know each other’s go-to moves under the covers.
Whilst there is nothing wrong with sticking to what works (hey, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it) the longer a relationship goes on, the staler those moves and more routine your sexual encounters might become.
You should take the onus upon yourself to skill the f#%k up in the sex position department by learning a couple of new positions that are easy to transition into and take the lead when the opportune moment presents itself.
Explain how to get into position or what you need your partner to do.
Remember, the key to good sex is good communication!
Taking initiative shows that you’re not afraid to mix things up and you’ll serve to inspire your partner to switch things up the next time you decide to get hot and heavy.
#9 Watch A Blue Movie Together
I would bet money that many coming of age South African youths in the late ’90s to early 2000s with even an inkling of sexual curiosity, and a TV must have had a run-in with e.tv’s weekly screenings of a series of “Emmanuelle” soft-core porn movies late each Saturday night.
Today, pornography is something that gets a bad rap due to the taboo of sex in general in our society, but there is no denying the fascination it incites in its viewers and is something that can be shared by couples to enhance a sexual experience if you find the “right” kind of porn to watch.
If you find that you enjoy watching porn more than you think/know your partner does by themselves, you can bring up the idea of watching something together that’s tasteful, seductive and sensual.
Female friendly porn is usually a good crack as it does away with some of the more vulgar and in your face scenes that can quickly ruin the mood.
Be sure to open an incognito tab if you’re using Chrome to browse for porn privately. Use the exercise to learn more about what gets your partner’s rocks off, select a suitable title you’ll both enjoy, press play and ride the waves of ecstasy into oblivion together!
#10 “Look Who Got it All This Morning”
As the saying goes “the early bird catches the worm”, and if you find yourself waking up before your partner does then you have the unique opportunity of making their day before it has even begun.
Engaging in early morning sex is perhaps (if not more) potent than your morning cup of joe as sex increases the production of oxytocin in the brain, otherwise known as the “love hormone”, and is coupled with a rush of endorphins that relieves stress and is a pain buster.
Gently rouse your partner from their slumber by kissing them lightly on their bodies, caressing/licking their erogenous zones, slowly working your way towards the business end of most sexual exploitations to truly wake them up with a ‘bang’!
Make the entire experience about getting them off first and foremost!
Healthy relationships are about, give and take. Odds are that if you focus on helping them release those happy chemicals before they’ve opened their eyes, your colleagues will be asking you if you had Kellogs for breakfast in no time…
#11 Don’t Forgo Foreplay
With the relentless pace at which this world operates and how we currently live our day to day lives, we often tend to forget to slow things down when we find the time to come together in sex.
The ultimate goal of sex in a loving relationship should always be to grow closer together and this is almost single-handedly attributed to mindful play and attention before intercourse.
Much like life, foreplay is all about the journey, not the destination!
There is so much fun to be had and anticipation to be built before the main act. This can be accomplished with some good old-fashioned oral sex, a little bit of prostate stimulation (for helping your man hit that P-spot) or by using some ravishing sex toys to get you ready to rock ‘n roll.
Next time you feel yourself rushing through proceedings to get your rocks off, be a considerate lover, slow things down to connect with your partner, be deliberate with your movements and your actions.
Our bodies are like uncharted territories that are just waiting to be explored and the whole act of foreplay is just perfectly articulated in the hit song of Mr John Mayer “Your body is a wonderland”.
Stop, listen, enjoy…you won’t be sorry!
#12 Create A Sexy Playlist For Getting Down
The effect that soothing sounds have on our beings is something as innately apparent as our storied fascination of sex and exploring it with each other.
Finding the right tunes to set the atmosphere for our primal activities can significantly enhance how our bodies move in unison to ultimately become one (think the motion of the ocean and all that jazz).
Taking time to plan and create a sex playlist will help you share in your love of each other and set up a soundtrack to your own love-making musical.
Put forward your own song or artist requests, listen to each track with intent and decide together what works for you both.
Make things even more intimate by giving your playlist a sensual name that sets the right intention and makes space for just the two of you when you’re looking to “get down on it.”
*Bonus Tip* Press play and take turns going song for song pleasuring each other to help build up the anticipation before intercourse. Weave “your” song and some toys into the mix and watch the sparks fly!
Who’s your favourite artist to set the mood in bed?
Let us know in the comments below!
#13 Hit A Love Hotel
Okay, so chances are you’re not going to find yourself in Japan any time soon (where love hotels first appeared in Osaka way back in 1968), but the idea of booking a hotel to bonk the night or a weekend away is something that can be achieved anywhere in the world.
Learn About a “Love Hotel” in Japan Below:
This concept ties in nicely with breaking away from the norm of doing it in your own bed (see tip #3) and serves to provide you with a space to dive even deeper into your sexual desires and get really, really naughty!
Roleplay by getting your partner to shower, dress up real nice and send them down to the hotel bar for their favourite drink while you get ready to approach and seduce them back to “your” room for a night-cap.
Take charge, order some champagne to your room, put on some silky sounds, fill a bath full of bubbly water (shower if you’re in Cape Town) and invite your “guest” to join you for a fun-filled evening of wet and wild sex.
P.S. Don’t forget to pack your sex toys, you never know when you might need a little help from your friends!
#14 Masturbate (More)
Solo play is probably one of the more taboo facets of our sexuality because pleasuring oneself is deemed as a shameful act — often by the very people who conceived us — that stems from sexual frustration or the dire need for sexual release during our pubescent teens (I can’t help thinking about the first American Pie movie here).
Let me put this out there: There is absolutely nothing wrong with indulging in yourself (just don’t do it in front of strangers in larney gyms)!
In fact, masturbation promises many health benefits and helps us as individuals to better understand ourselves and own our sexuality.
Ultimately, this affords us the unique perspective of knowing exactly how we like to be touched so we can level with our partners to get our toes curling with delight on a more consistent basis.
*Bonus Tip* Try masturbating in front of your partner as they sit across from the action. Talk them through each touch, the speed of each movement, the technique involved and how you dig it.
Not only will they get schooled in the pleasantly dark arts of “rubbing you the right way”, but they’ll probably be so deliciously turned on by that point that you can expect nothing less than mind-blowing sex to follow.
#15 Workout Together
Couples that workout together, stay together (or at least that’s how the old adage goes) and there is certainly a lot to be said about the benefits of exercising together and how it makes our bodies and our love lives that much stronger.
More of the same endorphins released during sex is also released during physical exercise so on a biological level we’re prone to feeling a lot happier with each other when working out together.
Those wondering how to increase sex drive will be ecstatic to hear that regular exercise also helps to improve our libidos, not to mention that getting in shape is also a big self-esteem booster for both parties.
Looking physically good also increases the likelihood of you being more attractive in the eyes of your partner which means more compliments and frequent trips to pleasure town.
So next time your partner invites you to hit the gym, take them up on their offer.
There is always the possibility of some post-exercise sex to get the heart pumping and the blood flowing to those all-important love muscles that should not be neglected!
#16 Talk Dirty
Speaking your mind in explicit detail is definitely a very powerful tip for helping to push yourself and your partner over the metaphorical falls of your passion during sex.
After all, the brain is the sexiest organ!
All sexual desire stems from our “grey matter” (why do you think erotic novels like Fifty Shades are so popular), and as such, we’re a lot more sexually receptive to those dirty words when we’re goading each other on to new heights.
That being said, there is a fine line between tasteful dirty and vulgar dirty. Use your judgement, expand your dirty vocabulary with each new foray under the covers, and always think twice before slipping in obscenities that might kill the mood.
As with watching porn together (see tip #9) you should really do your best to gauge what type of content is appropriate for you both at the time and progress from there.
Start with sexy compliments if you’re unsure how to get into it all. It’s probably your best bet for laying a foundation to work up to more edgy language as you lose yourselves in the moment.
#17 Get Hungry For More Sex
Much like sex, food is a basic human need that we need to survive as a species, so it might not come as a huge surprise that there are certain aphrodisiac foods to get you, well, in the mood.
Some foods that are touted as being able to stimulate your libido include:
Now, there are those of you who might be adventurous enough to incorporate some of the more sweeter delights mentioned above into your foreplay.
You can’t go wrong with melted chocolate carefully spooned onto your partner’s body (make sure it is cool first) or some raw honey dripped tantalizingly close to a particularly special place (make sure your partner is shaved — or offer to do it for them).
Food and sex can get a little messy, so remember to lay some towels over your bed to avoid any unnecessary spills.
*Bonus Tip* Our skin is very sensitive to cold sensations, so whilst ice-cream is not an aphrodisiac, it does taste quite nice and can really send shivers up and down your partner’s spine if applied sparingly.
Making use of a single block of ice out of the fridge with some oral sex also has the potential to produce somebody shaking effects.
#18 Go Shopping For Sexy Underwear
It’s no secret that us humans tend to evaluate potential sexual partners and mates based on physical traits and appearance (see tip #15) over those of what’s inside when we first meet someone — anyone that has ever used Tinder will attest to this!
As a species we like to eat with our eyes and donning sensual undergarments can go a long way to hitting the right sexual note with your partner.
Whilst the allure of lingerie lends itself more to the fairer sex, couples that go shopping on a whim to pick out and purchase some underwear together set some really sexy intentions for later in the day.
Use the opportunity to express what type of lingerie/underwear makes you feel good, and get your partner’s opinion about what drives them wild.
Settle on something that works for you both and pick up the tab no questions asked…
You will see a return on your investment 10 times over the coming weeks/months and your partner will feel like a million bucks to boot.
#19 Cuddle And Talk After Sex
The last of these sex tips round up this list perfectly as it ends where the list began: building connection and intimacy through communication.
As relationships grow over time and our busy lives/children/chores/errands get in the way, we often skip out on what should happen after we collapse happily onto our backs.
Cuddling and talking after sex is proven to strengthen the bonds of our intimate relationships.
Use this sacred time to caress your partner’s body and thank them for their loving touch and compliment them on how beautiful they look, or how f$%king hard they rocked your world!
Lovers that are present in these moments stand the test of time, and more often than not the afterglow of coming together and fondling each other is reignited by another explosive round of sex.
Sounds like a win-win to us!
We sincerely hope that you’ve enjoyed this luscious list of sex tips to help spice up your sex life!
The most important thing to remember is that sex is supposed to be fun and it should be treated as a sacred past time that you get to share with the one you love.
So, go onwards lovers, get rowdy, get naughty, get busy living your best sex life and don’t forget to share this article with your partner and your friends — this world can do with a little bit more of sexual healing!
Till next time,