How Do I introduce sex toys into my relationship?
What if it causes friction between my partner and I?
In this article, we unpack:
- The myths behind using sex toys (and how you can help put each other’s minds at ease)
- The unbelievable benefits behind using sex toys
- Where you and your partner can begin to experiment with sex toys
Read on for everything you need to set yourself up for better sex in the long run, fostering a deeper connection with your partner and building a happier relationship that lasts.
Those that play together, stay together!
The State of Sex Toys in South Africa
There are many reasons you or your partner may find the idea of introducing sex toys into your relationship a little daunting, intimidating or just plain unnecessary.
Let’s face it, in South Africa, we are still largely conservative compared to many other parts of the world!
Until recent years, most things related to sex remained taboo for general conversation around the dinner table.
Access to adult stores that didn’t leave you feeling dirty and ashamed was limited to non-existent (unless you’ve experienced our store in the Cape Quarter).
But, in general, the lack of information and the deep-rooted misinformation we face has held us back from truly exploring the beauty and benefits of pleasure.
Thankfully mainstream media and good old Netflix have gotten the conversations going and by hook or by crook we need to keep these topics alive.
Curiouser and Curiouser…
If you are feeling the proverbial itch to delve into the world of sexual exploration, you are not alone. Whether that be through toys, role-play or through any other means – the growth in the sex toy industry alludes to the fact that the world is catching up, finally!
This, however, poses a unique challenge for couples who have been together for some time. When one partner shows a little more interest or enthusiasm in exploring sexuality, it can lead to some uncomfortable feelings…
It is vital to keep communication open and sincere as well as be conscious of your loved one’s needs and views. After all, this should all be fun and draw you even closer together.
Let’s start at the very beginning. It’s a very good place to start.
Debunking Sex Toy Myths
The most common reasons expressed by those resistant to sex toys are as follows;
- You don’t need a toy when you have a partner, they should please you enough.
- The toy might be better than your partner and then you won’t need them.
- If you use a toy, you will damage the nerves and you won’t feel as much if you don’t have vibrations.
For males or people with phalluses, dildos can emasculate them if they are “bigger” or seem more pleasurable.
For females and people with vulvas, masturbation sleeves or “fleshlights” could threaten as they are designed to be “tighter” and give increased stimulation through ribbing and special features not found in humans.
Lifelike toys could make your partner feel you may fantasise about genitals that aren’t theirs, leading to insecurities and jealousy.
With all due respect to pleasure toys as a whole, no toy can ever replace the intimacy, connection, and pleasure one receives from a human partner.
As technologically advanced and expertly engineered as these wonderful devices are, you, as a person, are far more complex, valuable, and capable of providing as well as receiving pleasure.
It is important to keep in mind that these are just toys.
They are simply plastic or silicone, maybe even with some moving parts. That does not mean they can not add value to your life by enhancing your sexual experience.
Toys are synonymous with one thing above all else, and that is fun!
When you use these magical contraptions with your partner, it literally allows you to play, explore, learn and experiment in ways that send off happy chemicals in your brain.
View engaging in playtime with your partner as a way to bond, bringing you closer together. Once we let go of the fears or preconceived ideas we may have about this topic, we invite an opportunity for a whole new angle from which to experience sexual pleasure.
Sex Toys For President!
There are many benefits of using sex toys, and as many we can arguably experience through ‘organic’ sex. However, the toys give us a unique ability to enhance our natural abilities and serve as an accompaniment to the way we make love.
We know that orgasms and sex have all these amazing health benefits such as stress and anxiety relief, improved sleep, improved brain function, improved circulation – and these are just scratching the surface.
Toys can be a tool to unlock even more of these fantastic byproducts of physical intimacy.
It is all a matter of perspective.
It is for you to determine the extent of the role they can play in your romantic life. These are just a few reasons why you might consider adding some to the shopping list:
- It is becoming a better-known fact that around 80% of women or people with vulvas can not climax with penetrative intercourse alone and require some kind of additional stimulation to reach an orgasm.
- Using couples’ vibrators that can stimulate the clitoris during penetrative intercourse can allow heterosexual partners to experience all-around pleasure together. It is vital that both partners get the most out of each experience.
- Couples who have been together for a long time often slip into a routine. They can use toys as a fun way to mix things up and add a little sparkle.
- Devices such as cock rings can delay ejaculation and provide firmer erections. This allows for intercourse to last longer at a higher intensity.
- Using anal toys allows men and people with prostates to explore a whole new erogenous zone that offers breathtaking orgasms that many go through their entire lives without experiencing.
- With vibration, it becomes easier to time your climax, so to speak, as the intensity of the stimulation ‘gets you there’ quicker. (This is a learning curve for individuals, as each person experiences sensations in different ways, but it is totally worth it — finishing at the same time can be an amazing ‘mic-drop’ moment!)
By understanding how toys work and utilising them to best suit your needs, one can truly change your life. Knowledge is power and asking questions is key.
Don’t be afraid to be honest about what you want.
Remember, this is the person you love.
You need to be open to accepting each other and if you can not be open and comfortable, you are withholding an opportunity for them to show you how accepted and loved you are.
Where Do I Start With Sex Toys?
Now it’s time for you to ask yourself some questions…
What are you the most curious about?
Where do you enjoy being touched the most?
It is helpful to do some of your own research and read up to help get you on the right track!
Our Ultimate Guide To Sex Toys is a great place to learn the basics to get you started.
When it comes to the actual toys themselves, these are some of our top picks for non-intimidating and modest beginner toys for couples to start exploring together:
We hope that this provides you with a great starting point on how to introduce sex toys into your relationship!
Remember that no one exactly needs sex toys, it is more a case of understanding how they can benefit you and being open to experimenting with them.
Just take it slow and listen to each other.
There is really nothing to lose — but so much to gain from intensifying your romance and intimacy.
Unlike all the other things that bring us pleasure in life, with sex toys you really can’t have too much of a good thing!